Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ladycarissa's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
7:46 pm	Summer Summer Summer Ugh...that great big yellow...thing...in the sky is annoying the crap out of me! I want to just stay indoors until it goes away! Alright, I'll admit, I hate the bright light and heat of summer. This is the season I like the least. Although I certainly don't like freezing either, I deal with Winter a lot better than I do summer. Summer sucks! The great big yellow thing in the sky drains me, and I just want to sleep all the time. Be that as it may, I do have some things going on. I'm proofreading the manuscript for my teacher's upcoming book. I'm not going to let the cat out of the bag, but I'm very excited about it. It will be full of very useful magical techniques and possibly even a chapter from yours truly. I'll let you all know when it's available for sale. You're going to love it! My hubby is doing alright in Kuwait. He's taking cardio-kickboxing to pass the time now that he's done with his EMT course. And you guys thought I was hard to keep busy! The smartass, so-lucky-he's-cute, teenager of mine is trying to land his first summer job. I hope he gets it. Maybe when he sees how hard money is to come by, he'll realize how utterly spoiled rotten he is and appreciate it. At any rate, he's a young man now and I'm proud that he wants to start making his own way. Now if he'd just hit the books like I keep telling him to! We Nova Romans will be invading Nashville, TN some time in August. We're going to visit the Parthenon and Mars statue again. Hopefully this time we'll be able to do our ritual without the wrong kind of Christians interrupting us. This time I'm going to bring some hymns for us to read out loud. I think the Gods will like that. The Parthenon replica is the closest thing we have to a real Graeco-Roman temple here in the States, so going there will definitely be the highlight of my Summer. Well, that's it for me. How are all my pals? Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: It's too damned hot! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
6:27 pm	At Winter's End Khairette and salvete, everyone! Several of you have expressed concern about me because I've been so reclusive over the Winter. I want to assure you that I'm alright. I did wreck my car on New Year's Eve, but the insurance took care of me, and I now have a new, better car. As those of you here in the US at least know, this Winter was extremely cold. I think that's part of the reason I've been so inactive. I don't have central heat in my little farmhouse yet, so I had to break out the supplemental kerosene heater from storage. Work is going fine. I was recently promoted to Programmer Analyst III. My managers and coworkers have been so supportive since Dennis left for Kuwait. IT is always a stressful field to be in, but all things considered, I'm doing ok. Mason caught pneumonia, so he's on antibiotics. He's starting to feel better now, and the coughing is subsiding. I think he's dealing as well as can be expected also. I haven't gone near my temple room since Dennis left. I know, I know, I need the Gods now more than ever! I just feel angry and abandoned in a way. I'm just gritting my teeth and holding on for dear life. This is a very tough time for me and my family. I'll be much happier when its over. I hope you're all doing alright. Please let me know what's up. Khairette and valete, Carissa Current Mood: What a Winter! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 8th, 2006
7:23 pm	Carissa's Underworld Opera This started out as a normal dream in which I was vacationing with my two sisters at a nice resort. I got a call from work about Seagate, which I handled. When my mother showed up I was very upset and didn’t want to be near her. I then found myself on a ledge outside the resort room window. As I stood there, looking out at the night sky I suddenly became lucid. I told myself that I had nothing to fear, that on the Astral I could walk on air and fly. After relaxing for a minute I leapt off and took flight. I went to a dark forest and saw a beautiful dragon fly by. There seemed to be a few other visiting souls there too. Ahead was a small hill, though I didn’t reach it, because my attention was on the dragon. As well as the dragon I also saw a cloaked figure, but I couldn’t make out the features. I began to sing an impromptu song to Hecate, which was simple but pretty. After that I flew away and ended up in a grassy plain. To the right, in the distance, I saw a bright light shining. I knew where I was. I began to sing about the Fields of Asphodel and Elysia, and suddenly a beautiful woman with curly blonde hair dressed in a flowing, white robe appeared to my left. She was singing exactly what I was, so I think maybe She was the muse who was inspiring my song. After that I began to sing about Tartarus. Suddenly, I wanted to go talk to Hades. I flew away to the top of a hill and saw the Three Fates in a little hut. I traded a pair of white finger cymbals I was wearing in exchange for entrance. As I went down into Tartarus I saw shades singing about their fate. My lucidity faded, and my son coming home from school awakened me. Current Mood: The Underworld Rocks! (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 12th, 2006
4:57 am	Karma Knows No Religion Alright, folks, time for me to rant. I'm getting oh-so-sick of seeing news stories of religious fanatics threatening gays and blowing up innocent people. These freaks seem to think that God is on their side, but let's face it, they aren't really religious. They are motivated by a sick twisting of religion mixed with a lust for power. If they think it's ok to harm innocents, I have news for them...THEY'RE SO WRONG! The Gods don't care if these idiots recognize Them or not. Karma is one law no human being can avoid. By filling their hearts with hate rather than love, they are doomed for a very unpleasant afterlife. Not harming innocents seems to be to be a clear Universal rule, but these sad individuals have put away all that is good inside them. I certainly don't pity them, but I wouldn't want to be there when their sorry asses finally get to the Underworld. I know my patron God. Hades lets no serious crime go unpunished. He's watching what they're doing and he's saying, "That's alright. Your ass is MINE!" I wouldn't be surprised if there's a special section of Tartarus for freaks who hide behind a twisted religious philosophy in order to justify evil actions. They're in for a VERY rude awakening, my friends. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Karma can't be sidestepped. Every gay person they attack, every innocent they've needlessly killed, all their evil will come back to bite them squarely on the ass! No God condones what these religious fanatics are doing. Their little books will do them no good when they stand before Hades and the Judges and try to quote them. They'll be playtoys for the Furies. It's going to suck to be them. Okay, rant over. Just had to get that off my chest. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: Karma, my friends, karma. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 10th, 2006
5:06 pm	Imma Robot Yet another strange dream for the Chthonic One. I took a nap this afternoon and had an interesting dream. I was a young woman who had been almost murdered by a couple of men after hitching a ride with them. I was found nearly dead by a scientist who turned me into a kind of cyborg robot in order to save my life. I called myself Lisabot. It was really funny. I kept working out and getting stronger, and each time I saw something that reminded me of my attackers I went ballistic. I finally found the men, one at a time, and killed their asses. Hmm...maybe napping isn't a good idea. What's up with this, Hecate, my Lovely? Anyway, I had a good chuckle afterwards. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: Imma Robot! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
9:20 am	Rocking The Vote Yep, I rocked the vote today...straight ticket Democrat. I'll probably be up til midnight watching the election results. Most of the races are very tight, but I hope the Democrats will come out with good wins. The current powers that be have disappointed me greatly. It'll take a long time to clean up the mess they're going to leave behind. At any rate, whatever your affiliation, get out there and rock the vote! Let your voice be heard. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: Rock the vote!!! (Comment on this)
Monday, November 6th, 2006
1:34 am	Ambient Music and Giant Robots It's almost 1:30 in the freaking morning and I just woke up from a bizarre nightmare. It was strange. I was in a movie theatre then a giant robot started shooting at everyone. I ran out with the other moviegoers and barely escaped on a train with a few other lucky survivors. There was water all over the town I was in, like it had been heavily flooded. The robot had several gun turrets and it was just complete carnage. I had to take a clonezapam after that fright! I fell asleep listening to ambient music that was supposed to be healing. Strange that it had such a strange effect on me. Maybe because of the PTSD and Panic Disorder, my mind responds unexpectedly to it. Needless to say I won't be listening to that shit again! Strange, strange, strange. The music should have worked. I don't know why it sent me into a panic attack and nightmare. This makes the second time in the past couple of weeks that I've dreampt of a giant robot wreaking havoc on everything and everyone around it. If anyone cares to analyze this, you're more than welcome to take a shot. It's too weird for me to figure out. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: Where's my clonezapam!!! (Comment on this)
Friday, November 3rd, 2006
7:22 pm	In The Shadow Of The Moon As I sit here enjoying the smell of incense, the sound of Blackmore's Night, and the warm glow of a candle, I can't help but think of the Goddess and what She means to me. In Her I've found the mother's love that I never received from my biological mother. Even when I cry, rant, and get all discombobulated, She never stops loving me. I can ask hard questions, complain, and even throw a hissy fit over what I have to go through in my life. She listens and treats me with gentleness and patience. The moon is so bright in the rural sky tonight. It's almost full, and I feel the power welling up inside me. Her power is strength to me, a strength that lies within us all, men and women alike. The moon's power reminds me that I'm not weak just because I'm a woman. I've been very strong in my life, and I can get through anything I face with the Goddess guiding me. Hail to you, Selene, Luna, Hecate, Diana. You of Many Names, I am your child now and forever. May the Goddess shine Her love down on all of us. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: Shadow of the moon... (Comment on this)
Monday, October 30th, 2006
6:57 pm	Samhain Greetings Hey, Everyone! Well, it's the night before Samhain, and I've got the pumpkin lanterns and pomegranate juice ready! Tomorrow I'll pour a libation and worship Hecate, Hades and Persephone. I'll put out the pumpkin lanterns at the end of my driveway and light them so my ancestors can find the food I'll leave out for them. My mother had a talk recently with my great aunt Nannie and found out that we are indeed descendants of William Quantrell of Quantrell's Raiders. We are also descendants of Brigham Young of the Mormon church...that one surprised me! For my friends outside the US, Quantrell's Raiders were an outlaw band affiliated with the notorious outlaw Jesse James. It seems my family has always been full of interesting folks. ;) At any rate, tomorrow I'll say hi to these newfound ancestors of mine as well as my Gramma, Papaw and uncles. My Papaw and I weren't close, but I hope he's proud of how I ended up. He was a Mason...I don't know how high up, but I'm hoping that he can lend me a little guidance in my life due to his mystic leanings. As I try to forge a new life out of the pieces left after the one I expected to have shattered, I pray for my ancestors to give me some help. Samhain is a time of transition, and that's something a Scorpio's life is full of. I'm truly a self made woman, and I thank the strong women in my family for handing down that strength to me. I wouldn't have survived without it. The next year will be tough without my soldier hubby here, but I have no doubt my Gods, ancestors, spirit friends and human friends will help me through it. I hope you all have a blessed Samhain. May the wisdom of our ancestors be with us all. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: Outlaws and Mormons...wow! (Comment on this)
4:49 am	Dessert And Divination Hey, Everyone! Last night was SO much fun! Our CUUPS group at the UU church hosted a "Dessert and Divination" event. For one price, people could come in, eat yummy desserts and get readings. Giving about 8 readings in a three hour period was a bit tiring, but my Oracle casting cloth didn't let me down. Everyone loved their reading, and a good time was had by all. Afterwards, some of us went to Chilis and had a late dinner. I'd never eaten there before, but the food was really good. I got to meet a couple of newbies to the group. They were really nice people. Everyone was happy to see me. They know I'm having a tough time with Dennis gone, and they all gave me hugs and told me they were glad I was there. It was nice to get out among people again. In true Scorpio style, I go through periods of solitude, but I'm really going to try to get out more. Anyway, hail to Hecate for making the night of Divination a success. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: It was a long night. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 29th, 2006
3:50 am	To All My Friends It's so nice to hear from all of you. The love and support you're giving me is helping me get through this rough time of being without my hubby. I'm already counting the days until his deployment is over. Until then I'll continue to light candles for him and pray. I'm also wearing his dog tags which proudly list Wicca as his faith. He's agnostic, but if something goes down, how much you wanna bet the Gods will be hearing from him? ;) But seriously, he should be safe there. I figure after everything I've been through, I'll get through this too. The Gods have made me tough as nails. Anyway, it's so good to have all of you in touch with me. I love you guys and appreciate your support and friendship. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: I'ts 4 AM..UGH! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
11:53 pm	Thank you Hermes and Hecate! Dennis just called from Kuwait. After a long flight and watching 6 boring movies, he arrived safe and sound. Hail, Hecate Enodia and hail Hermes Enodios! Thank you, thank you, a thousand times, THANK YOU! I did some heavy praying yesterday, and today I'm wearing a set of hubby's dog tags that proudly sport Wicca as his religion. Although he's agnostic, he had that put on there for my sake. They're not coming off of me until he comes home for good next October. At a time like this, the Chthonic One is eternally grateful to have the greatest Gods a Witch could worship. It's a good day to be a Pagan. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic GO,GUARD! F Company rules! Current Mood: My Gods rock! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
10:35 pm	A Prayer To Hermes/Mercury and Hecate Hey, Everyone, Today my husband is on his way across the ocean. I ask you all to please light a candle for him and say a prayer to Hermes/Mercury and Hecate. They are both protectors of travellers, and hubby is definitely travelling...halfway around the freakin' world. I'm nervous. It can't be helped. I won't be the same until he comes back for good next October, but I'm certainly glad I have all of you to keep me company while he's away. Our soldiers and their families sacrifice a lot for this country. Some even make the ultimate sacrifice. I'm proud of Dennis and the other men and women he serves with. With all its faults, America is still the greatest place to live in my opinion. I wouldn't want to be a Witch living in any other country. I may get strange looks here, and an occasional snide remark, but no one has tried to harm me. Try getting that in the Middle East! Not gonna happen, my friends. I pray with every fiber of my being that Dennis will be returned to me safe and sound when this is all over. I miss him very much. Thank you all for your love and support. You guys mean a lot to me. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: Hermes, help me! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 23rd, 2006
8:39 pm	After The Rain Hey, everyone! The Chthonic One is in a contemplative mood tonight. We recently got a new girlie in my rape and sexual abuse survivor's group. She's been posting on how much she's been crying during her first sessions with her therapist. As I read her posts, I felt a strange sense of deja vu. It sounded so much like my own early months in recovery. After years of covering up and blaming myself for what my mom's friends did to me, I decided to finally talk. The first few months were hell, plagued with constant nightmares and feelings of shame and loss, but my therapist was absolutely fantastic and helped me through it. It was the hardest time of my life, especially since I'd just gotten clean and sober and was dealing with a toddler and college classes at the same time. Never in my life have I ever cried so hard as I did then. For years I'd stuffed that pain inside and told myself that it was my fault, that I somehow was just a bad egg and deserved to be treated badly. It's amazing what you can convince yourself of. My heart went out to young Wendy as I read her words. Along with the other girls in the group, I made it clear to her that her reactions were understandable and assured her that the feelings wouldn't always be as strong. In my own recovery process I've had rocky times, but day after day, year after year, I get another little piece of my soul back. I've found the ability to cope with what my mother's friends did to me, and now I get to help others cope. Many of the stories I hear are heartbreaking. Girls come to me, all wondering if they're just insane. I do my best to show them that they're not. Being raped changes a person. You're never completely the same afterwards, but I try to get my girlies to see that life does go on. When I read Wendy's posts, I couldn't help but think of the Nelson song "After The Rain". More than anything I want my fellow survivors to know that there is healing out there. My life is far from perfect, but it's so much better than I ever thought it would be. It may not be the life I wanted, but it is indeed a life worthy of living. I've ran the whole gammit of emotions in my recovery process, from screaming into my pillow all the nasty things I never said to my mother, to crying uncontrollably at being violated at the tender age of 12, and yes, about the resulting damage that was done to my womb. I've been there, done that. Would I do it again? Yes I would, I'm afraid. Someone has to be there for my Rainbows, and that someone is me. Each time a new Rainbow comes into the group I'm reminded of how far the Gods have brought me. How can they know that there is life after the rain if I'm not there to show them? I may hate what I've been through, but I'm glad of the person it has made me. In my group I'm the Pagan Rainbow, the not-so-fearless leader who tells everyone that it isn't our fault and that we deserve to live. Lillie, my co-owner in the group, often tells me she wouldn't be alive if I hadn't been there to help her. That fills me with awe because I know she's not kidding. Rape survivors have VERY little help as it is. If not me, then who? I may hate what I've been through, but I stand in amazement at what the Gods have brought out of it...one, big, shining Rainbow of women who just won't give up! I refuse to let them, damnit! We've been through too much to just roll over and die. We're women, just as worthy of respect as all other women, and I'll never cease to tell my girlies so. After the rain, I realized that I would go on. I never got to choose my first lover, go to prom, or have the daughter I wanted, but in reality, I got something so much better. After the rain, the Gods gave me a Rainbow. I'm grateful to be who I am. I may be a little bent, but that's cause I'm a ray in the Rainbow. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: After the rain... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 20th, 2006
6:31 pm	Good News!!! Hey, Everyone! My boss called me into his office today and told me I'm getting promoted! I was so happy! It's good to know that having my nose to the grindstone at work means something. Thank you, Minerva, for your help in my career! Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: I'm promoted....yay Minerva! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
12:50 am	Gods Bless America Hey, everyone! After a blissful week having my hubby at home, I took him back to the airport and said a sad goodbye. He'll join the rest of his unit back at Fort Dix, NJ where they had their predeployment training. After a few days of checking their gear and doing paperwork, they'll all head out to Kuwait. I'm SO glad I took that trip to the Parthenon replica. This isn't easy, folks, but the support we've received from our friends and the community at large has been wonderful. It will be a rough year without Dennis, but I know we're in your thoughts and prayers. Please continue to light candles and pray for Dennis as he does his duty to our country. I may not agree with our current powers-that-be, but I still love my country and am committed to what I know America can be. I hope you're all doing well. I promise I'll keep you guys posted on Dennis' adventures in the desert as I hear the news. You're all very wonderful friends, and I feel blessed to have you. Suz, you give me a much needed kick in the ass when I need it...I love ya, Girlie! Mike, you help me look at things from a logical perspective, and that helps a lot. Sannion, you're one of the sweetest, gentlest men I've ever had the pleasure of knowing...thanks for your kindness, Hon...it means a lot to me. Lee, you are forever my EDuDa...thank you for your wisdom and teaching...I love you like a daughter loves her father. You guys take care. I'll talk to you soon. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: I love you guys! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
6:32 am	Nightmares and Fan Fiction Hey, gang! I just woke up from a nightmare of fighting werewolves, metal giants and child zombies. That's what I get for writing my latest fan fiction story. Hermione and Severus have fought a pack of werewolves in order to protect a vampire Prince, and now Hermione has to travel to the Underworld and face her worst fears and darkest desires in order to use spells from Medea's lost tome. Pretty cool, huh? At any rate, I'm doing alright. My hubby will get to come home on the 11th of next month and spend a week before he goes to Kuwait. I miss him a lot, but I keep reminding myself that the situation is only temporary. It's hard, but I'm still getting out and having a life. Writing helps a lot. If anyone is interested, check out my work. Warning, it is technically an adult site, though my own work isn't very smutty. I'd rather focus on mystery and fight scenes! http://hp.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600006953 http://hp.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600006981 Anyway, take care. I'll talk to you guys soon. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
9:39 pm	Alright, I've Been Dragged... kicking and screaming out of my hermit's shack. Sorry I've been in solitude, but in true Hecatean style, that's just what I do sometimes. I know several of you have been worried. I really do apologize. I'm Chthonic, and therefore prone to black fits of depression. I'm not making excuses. I'm just asking for you all to understand. This is simply who I am. Dennis is doing ok. He's done with the first half of his pre-deployment training. The military is giving him a hard time over his weight, and he's pissed. Please send him calming energy, Guys. He's under a lot of stress right now. As for the Chthonic One, I'm trying, Guys. It's not easy, but I'm getting through it. I'm taking my depression and anxiety meds and trying to have a life on the weekends. Well, that's it from the homefront for now. Take care, everyone. Blessings light and dark, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: Why deny the blah? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 15th, 2005
10:34 pm	The Sweet Agony of Winter I love Winter. I love the lights, the bright colors, and all the sparkly, shiny ornaments. This truly is a festive time of year. At the same time though, a part of me is always sad. I think about the happiness I was denied as a child. I wonder what it would have been like to have a normal holiday with normal parents. I bet it's nice. I'm looking forward to Yule. I have my hearth altar set with white and yellow flowers, glass Goddess and Baby Sun God figurines and a cookie scented jar candle. Saturday we'll put up our tree and I'll put up some star garland and hang a pretty wreath on our door. I'm determined to have hope for the future. Although I'm sad and angry, I refuse to let those feelings engulf me. I've proven time and time again that I'm a survivor. No one can take that inner strength away from me. It was a gift from the Goddess. I visited my father in the nursing home today. He was happy to see me and was relieved to hear that Mason's surgery went ok. It feels so weird, him being nice to me now. For most of my life he was hateful and wanted nothing to do with me and my sisters. Now, he is 72 years old, and he regrets how he treated us. I understand this, and I've forgiven him, but a part of me grieves for all that I've lost. My mother still refuses to go to AA, so I only speak to her when I have to. It's hard to be civil to her. A part of me hates her fiercely. She has hurt me so much and won't do a damned thing to make amends. When she gets to Tartarus, I hope the Furies make a beeline for her sorry ass! I'm lonely, ok? No person is an island. I long for family and my husband's never home, and my son is lost in his own teenage drama. I hate the situation I'm in, but there is nothing I can do about it. My heart aches for a daughter of my own, someone that I can share the girl stuff with that my mother never shared with me. Maybe I'll never be truly happy. No matter how hard I work, someone always stands in the way. I don't think a family is too much for a woman to ask for. I just don't understand it. Everywhere I go I see mothers with their children. I get so angry and jealous. I worked my ass off toward a goal that I've been kept from reaching. So much for dreams. The agony of Winter is sweet indeed. Life's a Witch and then you fly, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: depressed (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 5th, 2005
7:06 pm	Update on Mason Salve, Omnes! Thank you all for your love and concern for Mason. The doc removed the pinrose drain and said that everything looks great. Mason should be up and around by the end of the week, but he will need to take it easy for awhile. He's very sore and tired. I was so happy to see that he'd asked for his statue of Thor to be put on the coffee table beside the couch, where he is sleeping and resting. When he got hurt he first reached for me, but then he reached for the Gods. Maybe I'm teaching him something after all. Thank you, Lord Asceplius and thanks also to the Norse Goddess of Healing, Eir! Vale, Carissa the Chthonic Current Mood: My baby's ok! (3 Comments |Comment on this)